Monday, August 3, 2009

A Bit Emotional

So I bore my testimony yesterday in church. I do not do it often. But my Bishop started out by bearing his testimony about the temple. And it got me thinking... Just mostly grateful for the temple and the blessings it brings me each day in my life. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with how blessed I am to serve there each Thursday night. That I have been set apart to help, in my small way, to further the work of our Lord. I know that I don't even comprehend how many blessings I receive from serving there. And sadly I sometimes take it for granted. I hope that I can remember not to do that anymore. 
My purpose was to talk about also that I am so excited that our family can do Jason's work at the temple in 8 months. (So hard to believe he left us almost 4 months ago. I still get very emotional about it at times. In fact, I know it has changed me in many ways with this loss in our family. And in some ways, I will not be the same again. Mostly in that it has made me realize what is really important in my life. I hate it when I get caught up in what the world thinks is important. And with the loss of my brother, it has really changed my perspective in a lot of ways. Maybe made me a little more quiet and thoughtful at times. And for sure has made me rethink priorities in my life.) Of course during my testimony I got very emotional. Not only talking about the temple and what an impact it is in my life, but also when I started talking about Jason. I did not mean to get so emotional and it was hard for me to control. In fact, I meant to add a few things I had been thinking about. Like wishing that Alice, Jason's birth mom, really understood the knowledge the gospel brings into our lives. And how Jason really wants Alice to understand it. But I also know that you can't push the gospel on anyone. And I know that some day she will be ready. If anything to bring peace to her soul. We are all having a very hard time still trying to comprehend that he is gone from our earthly lives. But I am also daily comforted that he is close by and that most importantly that he is safe and protected now and that I hope some day to be worthy to be in his presence. I think a lot of times when you tell someone that your brother had a struggle with alcohol that they think that it was something he could control. But I believe strongly that there were so many times that he tried to control his addiction but that it was so overpowering to him. It breaks my heart how hard he tried. All I know is that he is an amazing spirit and that Heavenly Father knows Jason's heart and that Heavenly Father knew it was the right time for Jason to return to him. People may judge my brother, and especially those who don't know him, but I know the real Jason. Love you, Bumper.


Julie Baldwin said...

Thanks for sharing! I miss the quite time in the temple to just think and to serve others.

Did you hear that Devin is probably going to have to switch shifts at the temple? It is just ripping his heart out, he doesn't want to leave Thursday nights, but he doesn't want to leave the temple completely. Poor guy!

The Tregeagles said...

You have a powerful testimony and inspire many around you.

Heather said...

I admire you so much for how you serve others in so many ways! I bet you touched so many people with your testimony -- your post really touched me. Jason sounds like an amazing person.