Monday, December 28, 2009

A Contemplative & Somewhat Emotional Christmas

Jason, we miss you. We really missed you on Christmas Day. I drew you on the card this year. You know I had to. A lot of hopes for you through the years and dreams that you would finally reach your potential that you had in you and that we saw in you every day.
Karen and I also gathered memories from everyone in the family and we put together a book about you. A book that should have filled many more pages...many more years. Your earthly life was cut way too short. We gave copies of the book to everyone in the family. It was a quiet moment when the books were passed out to everyone. Some quiet tears were shed. A few pages were turned in the book by some but mostly the book was quietly placed with all the other unwrapped presents until we were all back at our homes. We all knew it was best to be alone to read the book and remember our memories about you. Too much emotion. I think the saddest part is knowing how much potential you really have and that a lot of people did not know you. The real you. That you hid behind your disease because that was all you could do at times and that some people thought that was all you were. Nor do a lot of people understand how hard it is to overcome that addiction. That people that have that addiction have to deal with it every day of their lives. But we also know that Heavenly Father, in his mercy, knew that it was time for you to go and to finally be free. And we are happy for you for that mercy. But we will miss you every day. Every minute. We are saddest that we don't get to make any more memories with you.
I picture you with your arms outstretched to us when we see you again someday for that hug that we will miss every day. I also picture you finally becoming this amazing person that we always knew you were.
I hope that I am worthy to see you again someday. Truly.
And don't worry, I will still talk to you and think about you every day. My Bumper. On to amazing and glorious accomplishments. Our hearts ache with how much we love you.


Jenn said...

What a sweet, sad, hopeful post. What a blessing that Jason has a sister like you who was able to see his full potential. I love what you said about him waiting for all of you with open arms!

Laura said...

This is a beautiful post, Lori, in every way. I hope 2010 is a happy year for you and for your family, filled with great new experiences and tender memories.